Paco and I were out stove shopping on Saturday, having finally had enough of the ancient Jenn-Air that had been slowly falling apart in the kitchen for the last 14 years or so. We had finally put it out of its misery last week, dismantling it and literally kicking it to the curb. Now it was timed to find its successor.
Driving north to Lowe’s, Paco was, as always, carefully observing the posted speed limit, even dialing it down a few notches just to be on the safe side. Not being the most patient person in the world, I finally felt the need to comment:
Me: You know you can go 40 here, don’t you?
Paco: No, I didn’t know that. Are you sure?
Me: Yes, we just passed 2 new speed limit signs.
Paco: Am I driving too slowly again?
Me: Yes, yes you are. You always drive too slowly. If you’re going to poke along please at least move over to the right-hand lane. At this rate it will be time to color my hair again before we get there.
Silence
Paco: You need to read that book.
Me: What book?
Silence
Me: Oh, you mean that book the Smyths lent us? What’s it called again?
Paco: “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama
Me: Just because I need you to speed up? You think I need to read a book about how to be happy?
Paco: It’s about finding inner peace and serenity. You can be very impatient sometimes.
Me: Okay, I admit I can get a little testy sometimes. But I’m probably too impatient to read a book about how to be more patient. Maybe you can just read it and then tell me what it says about patience. I like the Dalai Lama, too, but I bet he drives slower than you do. He would make me crazy if I had to ride with him to Lowe’s. Besides, I prefer books that have a little faster pace.
Paco: You mean like maybe that book about Lizzie Borden?
Me: Yes, like that one.
Silence
Paco: This is exactly my point.
We bought a stove yesterday and while we were driving home, Paco said happily “You know you’re getting old when you get really excited about a new stove.” I was thinking he needed to speed up.
Driving north to Lowe’s, Paco was, as always, carefully observing the posted speed limit, even dialing it down a few notches just to be on the safe side. Not being the most patient person in the world, I finally felt the need to comment:
Me: You know you can go 40 here, don’t you?
Paco: No, I didn’t know that. Are you sure?
Me: Yes, we just passed 2 new speed limit signs.
Paco: Am I driving too slowly again?
Me: Yes, yes you are. You always drive too slowly. If you’re going to poke along please at least move over to the right-hand lane. At this rate it will be time to color my hair again before we get there.
Silence
Paco: You need to read that book.
Me: What book?
Silence
Me: Oh, you mean that book the Smyths lent us? What’s it called again?
Paco: “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama
Me: Just because I need you to speed up? You think I need to read a book about how to be happy?
Paco: It’s about finding inner peace and serenity. You can be very impatient sometimes.
Me: Okay, I admit I can get a little testy sometimes. But I’m probably too impatient to read a book about how to be more patient. Maybe you can just read it and then tell me what it says about patience. I like the Dalai Lama, too, but I bet he drives slower than you do. He would make me crazy if I had to ride with him to Lowe’s. Besides, I prefer books that have a little faster pace.
Paco: You mean like maybe that book about Lizzie Borden?
Me: Yes, like that one.
Silence
Paco: This is exactly my point.
We bought a stove yesterday and while we were driving home, Paco said happily “You know you’re getting old when you get really excited about a new stove.” I was thinking he needed to speed up.
I love it!!
ReplyDeleteI would bet you a beer many arguments start in the car, when the men are driving. It would have been a disaster if someone said to me to read a book about patience right then.....
I used to be the smart ass passenger that would say how would you like Cat Food Casserole for dinner tonight???????????????
try it....he'll hit the gas...
I don't think that would work as Paco does most of the cooking. I'm the one liable to get the Fancy Feast with baked cheese on top.
ReplyDeleteWe were laughing during this conversation btw. Paco and I have yet to have a real argument. He's too sweet and patient to let my ranting bother him. He just goes and gets me a refill.
I'm dying, I can't wait to tell Richard about your blog. Girrrrl, where have you been hiding your light under a bushel all these years???? Or maybe I was just under a bushel myself and couldn't see you... I think that's it.
ReplyDeleteI'm always telling Richard to quit tailgaiting on the way to Loew's, ha. I'm like Paco, by the way, I go to slow. :) Laaaaadeeeedaaaaahh
Paco would only be able to tailgate if he was going the speed limit. It's usually the other way around. At least I know I'll always get there in one piece, though. And probably won't get shot, either.
ReplyDeleteOK, first of all I really did laugh out loud. I can hear Paco. He is so kind & patient. Alot like Mr. Smyth -- he read the patience book too. Perhaps that is also why we've not really had a fight. We let them read, and they learn how to be patient with us!!
ReplyDeleteSecond, I have to say I can't believe you had the energy to go to Lowe's yesterday. Good for you!
And thirdly, I always comment on your blog. You are NOT Billy no-Mates!
This one is definitely one of my favorites!
#6!!!!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to show you that you have readers, and that I spend way too much time reading Lorrie's comments and then stalking her readers. :-)
Thank you all for your nice comments. I need to not be so pathetic and develop some inner peas for sure.
ReplyDeleteA lady followed me into Kinko's the other day, ranting that I cut her off even though she had her turn signal on. I decided I had finally found someone more impatient then moi so I took the higher ground and let her get it off her chest.
She finally wandered off and I just hope she got home okay since I shot her windows out as soon as she left and went in the ladies room.
Racie
ReplyDeleteeveryone thinks we are a bunch of rednecks down here so don't feed the myth by admitting the window shootout; just keep those hobbies between us southern girls
did you get all four?
and next time do it in a clown suit
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteI AM SO GLAD YOU HAVE A BLOG!!!!!!!! I intend on stalking you often and regularly. Not that you should feel any pressure whatsoever. Dance Monkey Dance.
Now I am also thinking that you should write a screenplay.
Thanks Lorrie. Feel free to stalk on over anytime.
ReplyDeleteAs for the screen play, I will do anything if it would mean I could quit my job. But I'm afraid I will end up in prison before I can make that happen. Although no one would fault me, and it would probably take months for the police to wade through all the other suspects, I will probably end up being caught and convicted of having my boss "dispatched" for good.
I guess I could blog from prison, though. Provided they would let BJ sneak in her lap top.
Btw, BJ, yes, I got all 4 windows, plus I peeled back the landau roof on her '64 Impala.
ReplyDeleteI think she bought it new.
I'm just saying.
Great blog! It took me awhile to figure out who Paco was. I thought maybe he was an old boyfriend who had moved in with you and your husband, but I guess he would have been in the back seat rather than driving.
ReplyDeleteYour sister
Paco the Pool Boy is the one and only man living in my house these days. I even got rid of the one under the bed.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, Gracie. You're hilarious! I have a blog myself, but I update it less frequently than you seem to update yours. :) We should start an email correspondence or something.
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Jenny, the niece